Confessions of a 28-year-old virgin
Yups - that’s right - I was a virgin untill pretty recently. In this day and age of internet-porn and steadily decreasing average sexual-debut age, this may seem like an oddity - but I’m not so sure. It may seem like almost everyone has tried this wonderous thing before finishing public school - but I think the statistics hide the real differences - I think that some are a lot younger - and some debut at the same time or even later compared to the ‘good old days’.
First thing crossing your mind was probably either “He must be a freak!” or “Where does he live? Antarctica?”, but that’s not really it. It’s not that I have avoided it due to religious or other beliefs - or never had a date - it’s just a quirk of faith, I think. It’s true that I haven’t had many girlfriends - I’ve had two serious relationships… well, uhm… okay one - my current. The reason the other doesn’t really count was that it turned out to be a 100% online relationship although things didn’t look that way at the beginning.
I think much of it stems from me not pushing anything. I am happy taking everything kinda slowly and going with the flow. Oh, and the universal truth - nice guys just finish last. The point to this (if there ever was one) is that the nice guys actually don’t go after girls for the sex. Half of you will say that’s a load of horse-manure - that all every guy want is sex and you just keep believing that. Far be it for me to ruin that illusion.
Of course, it hasn’t been without ‘problems’ being a virgin for this long. Since I had no good stories to tell after the weekends and didn’t brag about things that didn’t happen - many thought I was either weird or … gay. I once had one of my colleagues blurt it out at a company lunch in the middle of dinner… Funny thing was that although ackward - it was far more ackward for her. And she even gave me a few hints to help me avoid a similar situation another time… Yeah, that’s right - how I should change my behaviour so I didn’t come off gay… come on… She had first come up with the idea from a day, one of my male friends needed to borrow my car, so he drove with me to work and took the car from there… I still think it was she that had a problem.
First off, I have no problem, people thinking me gay - after all, I know what I want - and honestly, it gave me enough space for me to be left alone. People didn’t expect me to say anything about the stuff, I find the most private - and I kinda liked that. I’ve never been one to share my inner-most thoughts with everyone - hell, often it was a problem to share what was in my lunch-box. Oh, and another bonus - girls lower their guard a lot more, if they think you are gay. They perceive you as ‘harmless’ and hence don’t have to keep up appearances… I have had a lot of good female friends this way - and I really appreciate that. It may be a cheap trick, but hey, I never said a thing - and most of it, I’ve probably first realized in hindsight. Suddenly, it made so much more sense, why there were no girls hitting on me.
Today, the focus is on the physical act of sex - more-so than it has ever been. There is a lot of pressure to try it out and better sooner than later. Never before has there been more sex-manuals, how-to books - hell, they are placed in every book-store at eye-level. And they wonder why kids feel pressured into trying it? So many people are focused on it being natural - so why shouldn’t you try it out? And it is natural - there’s no doubt about it, but come on… it’s still there tomorrow - and it will also be there when you are 28… trust me on that one. I’ve had 11-year-olds telling me how I was supposed to do things, I didn’t even want to know.
I think, it’s a shame. Kids should be allowed to be kids - if they figure it out themselves, well then they will probably test things out. But taking your child aside at age 9 explaining how everything works is just mean in my book. The big problem is that today, you kinda have to - they will be bombarded with imagery and material every minute, that I still blush over at age 28. I have no golden idea as to how to solve this problem - it may even be too late. But I still think, a lot has lost it’s innocense - and that’s enough to make me sad.
One of my friends recently asked me, if I didn’t regret not getting into the ‘game’ earlier - and I can honestly give a resounding ‘NO’ to that question. I enjoy it - there’s no doubt about it, but I don’t regret not chasing after it like there was no tomorrow. It came in due time - and I was actually ready for it when it did happen.