In sickness and in health…
Motivation is a funny thing. I go to work (almost) every day - when I wake up, I have no desire at all to go… I leave the fianc?e and our little daughter behind to go and do other people’s bidding. Then I get into the car, and suddenly I’m looking forward to a new day of challenges. Then around 4 pm I realize that I’m about to go home, and time has passed so quickly which must have meant that I’ve had ‘fun’. And then I can’t wait to get back home and experience the joys of parenthood - i.e. changing diapers and spending time with the two most important girls in my life.
Some say that I should savour every moment I have with my daughter while she’s an infant… I think there is a more important lesson here. Enjoy life where you’re at. Every time you look back on something, you either remember it as a terrible time due to 1 or 2 really bad experiences - or you remember it as the ‘golden days’ where honey was abundant and the snow was over the chimney. Noone ever remembered the bee’s nest that came with the honey - or the shoveling of said snow… I’ll bet you my hat and my clay glove that I made back in public school, that what you remember fondly had it’s drawbacks at the time - and that year in elementary school that just plain sucked did have it’s golden moments where the sun shone and life was good.
I will not in 4 years time look back and think: “Man, I had the opportunity to spend time with my baby girl, and I missed it all because I spent 40 hours at work every week!” I will not think of it as lost time, I’ll think of the time that we actually spent together and savour that. Whether it was 6 hours a day or 12 never did matter - how you spent that time is important.
And I know that I love spending time with our daughter, even if she does cry and fills diapers faster than I can say “Ekki, ekki, ekki, pha-thung soum boyoying”. Sometimes I’m afraid that my frustration with being unable to fulfill all her needs looks to my fianc?e as if I regret having her. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m simply frustrated. No heart-felt regrets that we can’t spend more time together just the two of us… I’m just plain frustrated. And I can take apart a computer and put it back together mostly succesfull in 10 minutes flat - and I cannot get my daughter to stop crying because she has gas…
Well, anyhow - I guess what I’m trying to say is this: I’ll take the good with the bad… in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer - I’ll love you two till death do us part. (Okay, I know that was cheap - and it did happen to fall in there when I know the fianc?e is looking… and waiting for people to accept our wedding invitations…)
Nan said,
July 18, 2006 at 22:53
Next time you are in bed with the flu I bet you will think about *Golden Days* because the *enjoy the now* is in those cases closed down for maintenance. Regretting things doesn\’t scare me as much as they scare you -I regret thousands of things - if I didn\’t I would be a very ignorant and coldhearted person - I kind of embrace my ability to regret and learn from my mistakes. But I also think about the first time I saw Freja, the first time I kissed you and last time I had a very soft chocolate muffin - all of this while Freja is screaming and yelling at her mother at the 4th hour - if I didn\’t have the ability to time travel to better and worse times I think I would go insaner..
Freja will not remember her time as a baby, she will not remember how many hours you were working or how late you returned from your job - a baby is all about comfort and that is what she will remember even if it is only a hug and a kiss a day.